From a comment on the Caldwell Tea Party Site with some slight modifications by yours truly;
Subject: DIVORCE AGREEMENT – Not What You Think
THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL WRITTEN THAT I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT’S BY A YOUNG PERSON -A STUDENT!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I’LL VOTE FOR HIM!!
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:
We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own ways.
Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. I’ll suggest you take California, New York, Illinois, Michigan, Massachusetts, Louisiana and a few others to be named later on. We’ll take Texas, Arizona and the southern border states. That way, WE WILL fix the border issue. It will be closed to ALL entry…. Except those with proper documentation. We’ll also take the confederate states and re-apply STATES RIGHTS! After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
We don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges, NAACP, La Raza and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the Cops, Firemen, EMS Workers, the NRA, the US Constitution and the military. We’ll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. You can keep Oprah, The View (minus Elizabeth), David Letterman, Michael Moore and Rosie O’Donnell.
We’ll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEOs and Radical Rednecks. We’ll keep the Bibles and give you NBC, Hollywood and the Quran .
We will drill for oil & natural gas in Wyoming, Montana, Alaska and other sites on land, and within a 1/4 – 1/2 mile of coastlines (where it’s proven safe). By using OUR natural resources, we’ll enjoy gas at around a buck twenty five ($1.25) per gallon. Diesel will be even cheaper. That should make food and consumable goods drop lets say 60% in cost. We will sell one bushel of wheat or corn for the same cost as a barrel of oil to the Middle East.
You can make nice with Iran, N.Korea and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. We will stand by Israel. You can have the peaceniks, Westboro Baptist Church and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We’ll keep the Ford and Hummer SUV’s, pickup trucks, Hemi’s, Muscle and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Prius, Kia SOUL & Subaru station wagon you can find.
You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a personal responsibility and not a right. Charity via the local communities should make up for the slack. We’ll keep “The Battle Hymn of the Republic” and “The National Anthem.” I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute “Imagine”, “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”, “Kum Ba Ya” or “We Are the World”.
We’ll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. We will continue to support research & development via fundraisers and the private sector. We will STOP adding MTBE (a KNOWN Carcinogen) to our gasoline which contaminates the ground water.
We will restore the Constitutional RIGHTS to arm ourselves. Everywhere and ANYWHERE. So, don’t be surprised when you see a man or woman in the department store with a pistol on their hip. Remember, an armed society is a polite society.
Since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name and our flag. The American Civil War was a part of our history…BOTH SIDES OF IT, so with that said, if the Confederate Flag offends you, please don’t look at it. We will NOT ban it from view nor banish it from museums or other public places.
Our Veterans ARE Our Heroes. They will get respect and we will fund all aspects of taking care of them in their golden years if need be. PERIOD!
Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
(Note: Some parts were modified by SilenceDogood2010)
P.S. Also, please take Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, David Price, Brad Miller, Kay Hagan, Bev Perdue, Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, Angelina Jolie, Janeane Garofalo and all other Progressive Socialists with you. We’ll keep Charlie Daniels, Chuck Norris, Jon Voight, Toby Keith, Ted Nugent, Michelle Malkin, Rush, Glenn Beck, Hannity, Megyn Kelly, Mary Katharine Ham, Sarah Palin, Janine Turner, Dana Perino, Michele Bachmann, Condee, Julie Banderas, and others. See Video below;
or this one…..I know, it’s kind of sexist but they are HAWT!
P.S.S. And you won’t have to press 1 for English when you call our country.
Feel free to ‘Forward’ or share this post! Let’s Keep This Going — Maybe Some of It Will Start Sinking In!
And lastly, Mary Katharine on the Lame Duck Games…
Respectfully submitted by SilenceDogood2010 this Tenth Day of December in the Year of our Lord, Two Thousand Ten.